“The cross comes before the crown, and tomorrow is a Monday morning.”
— C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
— Mahatma Gandhi
Well, as it turns out — growing up isn’t that much fun.
Marriage can be a roller coaster.
Parenting feels nearly impossible.
Leadership gets really heavy.
Friendship and the maintenance of relationships is difficult.
And it wasn’t until all these crashed into each other at the same time, about 10 years ago for me, that I realized that —
following Jesus feels like dying a 1,000 tiny deaths everyday.
This is something my wife and I say often to each other in the midst of the intense seasonal nature of our lives with kids and a career doing camp.
I have to give credit where it’s due —
this is a phrase she first heard a couple years into parenting when we were in Nashville spending time with family. Her grandmother (Hi, Gran!) used this phrase in a brief passing conversation.
“Oh hunny, parenting is just dying 1,000 tiny deaths everyday.”
We’ve been saying it ever since.
A life of daily sacrifice
It’s not just parenting — though that’s the main arena Lacey and I have had to “pick up our cross” in the last decade.
Dying 1,000 tiny deaths is the life of the spouse, the parent, the leader, the friend, the servant.
Jesus said it several times:
Dying 1,000 tiny deaths is the daily, continuous pursuit of self-denial.
“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” - Luke 9:23
Dying 1,000 tiny deaths is a non-negotiable for discipleship.
“Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.” - Luke 14:27
Paul followed up on it a good bit too:
Dying 1,000 tiny deaths is to live out the death of the old self and life of the new self.
“For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God… Put to death therefore what is earthly in you…” - Col. 3:3,5
Dying 1,000 tiny deaths is the lifestyle of entering into constant uncomfortable situations (suffering) with Jesus.
“…that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death…” - Philippians 3:10
Constantly dying in all the places with all the people
Marriage: It’s the preferences, the unspoken expectations, the dishes, the toothpaste, the laundry, the childhood upbringings, the traumatic experiences you bring in, the family of origins, the hobbies, the constant accountability, the times of pain and times of prayer.
Parenting: It’s the diapers, the messes, the noise, the eye rolls, the talking back, the attitudes and complaining, every single minuscule thing you have to do to prepare them for the next school year or the next day, the constant questioning if you’re screwing up your kids with every tiny decision.
Leadership: It’s the messy people, the difficult employees, the multiple managers you juggle, the missed deadlines, the forgotten standards, the lack of trust to delegate something off your plate, the constant reminders, the emails and slack messages and texts stacking up, the longs hours, the early hours, the things no one sees or will ever hear about to set your people up for success.
It’s in all the moments where I would rather protect my comfort, but I choose to serve.
Moments where I would rather be right and heard and agreed with, but I choose humility.
Moments where I would rather pull away, but I choose to stay present.
These moments rarely feel heroic. But this is where true transformation happens.
This isn’t even 0.01% of what could be listed as a “tiny death”.
But each one leads to something glorious.
Three Truths about Dying 1,000 Tiny Deaths
1. Dying to self is the way of Jesus.
Jesus didn’t just die and that was it — His whole life was daily sacrifice.
His daily life was what led to the cross. His daily life pointed to what would eventually happen “once and for all.”
And so, you are not called to comfort; you are called to Christ-likeness in this way as well.
Where is Jesus asking you to lay down your comfort, your preference for someone else today / right now?
2. Tiny daily deaths shape our eternal character.
Each unseen moment of service, patience, and humility forms Christ in you.
These tiny deaths are not wasted; they are seeds for resurrection life.
What “tiny death” from today can you already reframe as spiritual formation?
3. A life of sacrifice is made up of days of sacrifice.
In marriage, parenting, leadership, friendship — true love looks like daily dying to self.
This is how you live a legendary life in the Kingdom: through consistent, unseen faithfulness, especially when it hurts.
Who around you needs your self-sacrificial love this week?
A Presence Prayer:
“Jesus, help me see the small moments where You are inviting me to die to myself. Give me the faith to see moments I can lay down my comfort, my way, and my preferences so that others may see Your love through me. Make me faithful in the 1,000 tiny deaths, and let them shape me to look more like You.”
My friend, each of these tiny moments you lay your life down will be redeemed.
Because your life won’t be measured by the moments you protected or conserved yourself but by the moments you gave yourself away.
Next Week:
The joy of dying a tiny death.
The prize of dying a tiny death.
The result of dying a tiny death.
Taylor Jervis
Tyler, Texas
June 30, 2025
PS - if this was in any way valuable to you, will you:
1) reply and let me know?
2) forward it to a friend who would be encouraged?