“People-pleasing is a form of manipulation. You're not giving freely — you're bartering for affection, safety, or approval.” — Brené Brown
“We fear men so much, because we fear God so little.” — William Gurnall
How would your life look and feel if you didn’t care what people thought?
I’m no psychologist, but it’s pretty easy to see the power that people-pleasing has on so many of us.
What is it that makes it so prevalent and potent in so many of our lives? Perhaps it’s our way of self-healing the wounds someone else created? Our method to replace what only God can fill with the next person that comes along?
I can’t tell you when it started in my life, though I do know it had been there for a long time — that hidden, subconscious desire for the people around me to think I’m valuable, excellent, impressive, worth their time and energy?
The Bible shows us that people-pleasing erodes your heart and mind. It eats slowly away at your spirit. It holds you back — to the point of eventually taking you down.
Yes, the fear of man is a trap.
If you’re feeling “stuck” in life lately, will you consider today if the root is people-pleasing?
Stuck, immobilized, trapped
Last week, I wrote about how many of us are spinning our wheels because we’re trying to get traction in the wrong place.
And the other morning, I came across this passage and had to stop and consider how this has played out in my life so far:
“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” — Proverbs 29:25
I love Proverbs. They speak to me so plainly. “This is wisdom. This is not.”
And what we find in this brief, straight-forward line from God is that we can be trapped (in the snare) by people-pleasing.
This addiction for approval from people that so many of us have can immobilize us.
We aren’t just spinning our wheels — we are stuck and we are going to stay there.
This subconscious desire for another person to make us feel whole is not where life, progress, or abundance are found.
I see it in the lives of the college students I’ve worked with for 15+ years. I see it in the lives of the grown adults around me. I see it in my own life.
The moment you choose to believe that you are already, all the way, and for all time loved, approved, and enjoyed by the Father in His Son is the moment that wound is healed, the gap is filled, the subconscious crevice is bridged — and you are whole.
The Gospel of Already, All the Way, For All Time:
In Christ, the Gospel is not a hopeful maybe — it’s a divine done. Already, the work is complete: “It is finished” is not a slogan but a seal (John 19:30).
You are not striving for approval — you’re standing in it (Romans 5:1-2). He has already seated us with Him in the heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6).
And this grace doesn’t fade with time or falter with your weakness — it carries you all the way: “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion” (Philippians 1:6).
Your story is tethered to His, from beginning to eternity. Because Jesus is “the same yesterday, today, and forever” (Hebrews 13:8), the Gospel holds for all time — never expiring, never needing revision.
You live from victory, not for it. You live from approval, not for it.
Fear: gone. Approval: yours. People: ready to be loved and known by you.
3 keys & 3 questions to escape the snare:
1. Name your snare.
“The fear of man lays a snare…”
People-pleasing often hides under the disguise of kindness, loyalty, or humility.
But naming it for what it is — fear — is the first step toward freedom.
Where (or who) in your life are you saying “yes” just to avoid disapproval, not because you’re being faithful?
Until you name the snare, you’ll keep stepping into it — and you’ll stay stuck.
2. Shift the source.
“…but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”
Safety is a core human need — but when people become your primary source of safety, you’ll always live in deficit.
Shifting your source means moving from striving to standing — in what Christ has already said is true about you.
What would it look like this week to trust God's approval more than someone else's opinion?
When you stop reaching for man’s affirmation and start resting in your “already approval”, fear loses its grip and you take yours back.
3. Operate from wholeness.
When you believe the Gospel is truly finished and final, you stop performing and start living.
You’re not managing others' perceptions — you’re ministering out of your wholeness.
Where might God be inviting you to speak, lead, rest, or risk — now that you're not trying to prove anything?
Your wholeness is the starting line, not the finish line.
Presence Practice: Fill in the blank.
Make the time this week to work through these steps in your journal:
Fill in the blank, as many times as it takes: “I’m afraid of disappointing ________ so I keep ________.”
For each one, ask the Holy Spirit: “How/Where have I let this person’s opinions of me speak louder than your approval of me?”
Pray: “Jesus, I want to trust You more than I want to be liked. Give me courage to break free from these snares of approval.”
By the way…
We are officially halfway through Summer here at camp!
If you have recommendations on where we should take the family for a post-summer vacation, I am all ears! We want: private beach access (like rentable chair and umbrella vibes), less than 9 hour drive, not Destin or 30A this year, haha.
SO much love and thankfulness to you all.
Taylor Jervis
Tyler, Texas
June 24, 2025
PS - if this was in any way valuable to you, will you:
1) reply and let me know?
2) forward it to a friend who would be encouraged?